An Imperfect Look at Perfection

I am uncertain today as I write, and yet that is why I write. I think I am probably not alone when I express a quandary in regard to this Christian life. It seems I'm frequently puzzled about the whys and wherefores, the truths and feelings, the vitally important things and those less important. At first this post was going to be about politics. As I stated before I am reading " The Harbinger", by Rabbi Jonathan Cahn, who explains 911 as a warning from God. Then I see on the news today a piece about candidates already beginning their quests for the next presidential election. Finally, there was the rodeo clown at the state fair in Missouri....the one who wore an Obama mask as he teased the bulls during the show. Any and all of these events could spark a conversation about God's plan for the USA, a comparison of Israel and our situation in America, and how the lamentations in the Psalms could apply now. But those subjects were just not what I felt God calling me to this week. The other subject that has been rolling though my head is one of a more general nature. One I will certainly never understand no matter how much I study in the time left before me. The one Truth we cannot escape, no matter how we seemingly try time and time again. Something we step on, flatten, and tear apart, yet it bounces back to its original, sometimes better than original, form. We can't destroy it, outlive it, stop it, or even tarnish it. The everlasting, pervasive, passionate love of God for us. It is the undeniable theme of that Book I love so much. It's found in every sentence, no matter what the theme of that particular section. It's repeated over and over and over again. And yet we have so much trouble grasping it and reaping the security and peace of it. I think part if that lies in the fact that we have nothing to compare it to. Since God is Father, we often relate it to the parent/ child relationship found on earth. But, because this relationship is performed by humans, it is usually flawed in some way. I have a friend who has started a group for some of us regarding healthier lifestyles, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The conversation led to a discussion of our parents and some of the experiences we've had regarding our own sense of self. I venture to say none of us had parents that intentionally wanted to hurt us, and yet the comments made by parents to their children were sometimes cruel, demeaning, and damaging. From moms subtlety telling daughters they were too heavy, to others actually expressing their child was too ugly and fat to ever get someone to fall in love with her. " Joking" comments about 'Two Ton Tessie' to commenting about someone waddling like a duck. Hurtful, lasting comments that changed the course of the lives of those children. All from loving parents who, if told they had hurt their children, would honestly not know what you were talking about. All my life I wanted to be a mom. Thought about it a lot, even made decisions based on the urgency of that desire. Couldn't wait to hold my child, love him or her, and raise that little miracle in a perfect environment. Yet, when it happened, I was anything but a perfect parent. I, too, made comments and did things that probably changed my children's lives for the worse as well. Stupid, wrong decisions. I suspect, if we were all honest, most of us have done the same. How can we compare our imperfect love to the love of God? Another thing I have struggled with is unconditional love. Many of us learn through life experiences to run from things that hurt us. It's a natural self-preservation technique....run away from pain. The old saying " Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" applies here. Don't let them hurt you again....avoid it at all cost. So, when hurt by anyone, most of us get out the bricks. We start building that impenetrable wall. THAT won't happen to me again. I'm not about to love that deeply again....it hurts too much to recover. I can't allow myself to be out in that position again. I won't be hurt like that again. And a "chink" appears in that bond of love we have for that person. A hesitation, withdrawal, a stand-offish approach to love. And yet our Father is not like that at all. He tells us so many times in His Book: Numbers 14:18 "'The LORD is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression." Jeremiah 31:3 "the LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness." I Chronicles 16:34 "Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!" I could probably also go on forever, cutting and pasting verses where He tells us how much He loves us, how long He will love us, how long He has loved us. Through everything. I have numerous friends who are going through very tough times. Family illness. Misunderstandings. Rocky marriages. On and on and on. And as we go through those times, we sometimes question God's love for us, His allowing of bad things happening to those He loves. But I know this much. If I believe one word of His Book, I have to believe all of it. It can't be partially true, it must be ALL true. And if I believe that Book, then I have to believe that He DOES love me, always and unconditionally. That what I go through does not mean He doesn't love me. IT DOES mean He will be there for me through it, letting me sit on His lap and cry when I need to. I have to believe He's a much better Father than I was a mother. That He doesn't "mess up" with me. He can't. Not possible. Thank you, Lord God, that your love is not marginal, conditional, or flighty. That you won't be 'too busy' or 'too stressed' or 'too angry' to let me come to You whenever I need to. That love, to You, is a state of being, not a fly by night emotion. That You are perfect, and still love my imperfection. Always. No matter what.