Too Little, Too Late

"If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them."

-James 4:17

"Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says."

- James 1:22

I read the newspaper every day.  I get it digitally, and sit at my kitchen table with breakfast or a cup of coffee, and see what's going on in the world.  I like that much better than listening to the news on television, which I seldom do anymore.  I skim, read here and there, and when I think I've learned enough about the day, I go to Words with Friends or Facebook.  Anyway, sometimes I come across an interesting obituary.  Not always, but once in a while I  just see one I want to read.  One day I read the obituary of a 60-something year old woman.  She had written her own obituary, and one comment that she included really got me.  It said:

"To all of those I have wronged and/or hurt, I'm sorry."

Wow.  Talk about poor timing.  Of course I don't know the circumstances, events, or anything about this particular situation, but this is obviously too little too late.

Because that's the point.  Once that obituary is written, it's just done.  Too late for anything.  Too late for apologies.  Too late for repairing broken relationships .  And most importantly, too late for salvation.

I think as we get older, this whole "too late" thing becomes even more central to our thoughts.  We realize our time is limited.  We have lived through the loss of people we love, and people we don't.  We have already had regrets about unspoken words, or words that should not have been spoken.  It makes us just a little more cognizant about the urgency of taking care of things now.

In a Daily Moment by Rick Warren, he talked about King Jehosephat.  The King had built a great fleet of ships:

“[King] Jehoshaphat built a fleet of trading ships to go to Ophir for gold, but they never set sail — they were wrecked at Ezion Geber” (1 Kings 22:48 NIV).

Jehosephat had good intentions.  He had intended to sail those ships to search for gold.  But his good intentions never panned out.  They were wrecked before they even got started.  Our good intentions can also be wrecked.  The apology we meant to make but just didn't get around to it.  The person whose salvation was in question, and although we meant to share our testimony, it never was the right time. The event we missed.  The friend we didn't contact.  The list goes on and on.

I have to admit James 1:22 might have been penned with me in mind.  I am a student .  Always have been.  And I LOVE to study the Word.  But often, that's where it ends.  I tend to be a hearer, and not a doer.  Procrastination is my friend. There are things I should take care of .  Things to mend. People to apologize to.  I often think of my parents.  Dad has been gone for 14 years, mom for 3.  I look back at some of the attitudes I had, thoughts and even words I said to them.  A lot of them I would take back in a heartbeat.  But the moment that heartbeat stopped, I lost my chance to do any of that.

A woman named Bonnie Ware worked as a nurse in pallative care.  She took care of many dying patients, and later wrote a book about it entitled "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing".  In it, she listed the top 5 regrets her patients had made when their lives were about to end.  They were:

1. I wish I had had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.    This regret basically had to do with unfulfilled dreams, some things they really wanted to do but never got around to it.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.  This is a big one .  Every single patient Bonnie Ware had that expressed regret, chose this one.  We sometimes spend so much time chasing success in our work life that we tend to lose sight of the more precious things around us.  Things like missed ball games, and lost bedtime stories become very important to us at the end of life.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.  Many of us "stuff" our feelings, never being completely honest with others about how we really feel about things.  Playing nice and 'letting it go' tend to be more socially acceptable ways of behaving.  In doing so, we miss the opportunity to deepen or maybe end relationships that are difficult.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.  In the final days of life, all that really matters to people is love and relationships.  When our lives are busy, friendships are often one of the first things to be neglected.  And yet, in the end, it is one of the biggest things we regret neglecting.
5. I wish that I  had let myself be happier.  We get tied in to responsibility, living a life that is 'acceptable' to others.  We push on, and sometimes happiness gets lost in the process.  Ms. Ware said this regret was a suprisingly common one.

Interestinly enough, when we look at these 5 regrets, most of them could be covered by living the life Jesus asks us to live.  The Bible shows us how important relationships are.  How kindness, family, joy, and contentment are crucial to a life worth living.  Step by step, the Father has shown us how to live a life without regret.  And yet, we have so much trouble following that example.

None of us want that list of regrets at the end of our days.  As Christians, all of us certainly want to hear "Well Done" when we leave this life.  So the time is now.  Make those apologies.  Speak those "I love yous".  Be honest, be joyful, be a witness.  Because at some point, it will be too little, too late for all of us.