Consequences
"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
- Psalm 103:12
Well this week I did it. You know the feeling. Hated life, hated circumstances, came close to hating others. Although I'm pretty ashamed to admit it, I was so fed up with what was going on in this life I was ready to chuck it all....move to Siberia......commit an "accidental" murder......shake my fist at God. From relationship issues to untimely deaths to scary illnesses....at one point this last week it did not seem worth it anymore. I was way beyond the " even now, Lord Jesus come! " phase. I was more into the "I've had it...I'm done....what's the point?" phase. Can anyone relate? I have struggled my whole life with the right way to do things. I look back at some of the things that I've done and I think, "That was way beyond stupid!" I struggle with the what would Jesus do thing, when the what would Vee Ann do thing seems so much more pleasing at the moment. I just don't seem to get it right.
I know I'm probably not the only one that feels this way. Struggles, disappointments, anxieties, and guilt sometimes get so big I feel like I'm an ant in a room full of giants. Each time a giant takes a step, he comes closer to crushing me . And as I run between the toes, I feel like I'm one moment away from disaster. Depression? Maybe. Anxiety? Possibly. Normal? I think so.
I SO want to get it right.... do it right.... be right. I look back at the last 62 years, and I'm amazed the Savior would die to cover all of that. What a disaster! Like I could earn any of it. If I was perfect every moment of the rest of my life it couldn't cover a tiny portion of it. And deserve His love? Not even close.
That's why Grace is so important. No matter how we try to get it right-- no matter how we struggle-- no matter how strong our "want to" is, it's not enough. Nothing is enough. When held to the standard of perfection. only one thing is enough. Enough for me, for you, for Billy Graham, for the kid on the street, for anyone. The magical thing is that it's there for anyone. No matter how far we go. No matter how desperate we are. No matter what was done. His sacrifice is enough to cover it all.
Sometimes it's hard for me to wrap my mind around that. Some of the movies that play in my head of days gone by are really awful. Painful to remember. It would be nice to take a big eraser and erase them from my mind. But God has erased those sins from His mind.. and that's really all that matters.
We tell our kids that there are consequences for actions. The forgiveness is there,but the consequences remain. That's so true. I've been forgiven for all that junk in my past, and present, but the consequences will always be here. I think if I didn't know the only One that matters accepts me anyway, I would probably lose my mind. It's hard to see all that garbage replay in my head, and I know it is replaying in the minds of some I hurt in the process . But at least I know they're not replaying in His mind. They're gone. As far as the east is from the west.
That's the only thing that keeps me wanting to breathe in and out. It's my hope. My security. My grace.
- Psalm 103:12
Well this week I did it. You know the feeling. Hated life, hated circumstances, came close to hating others. Although I'm pretty ashamed to admit it, I was so fed up with what was going on in this life I was ready to chuck it all....move to Siberia......commit an "accidental" murder......shake my fist at God. From relationship issues to untimely deaths to scary illnesses....at one point this last week it did not seem worth it anymore. I was way beyond the " even now, Lord Jesus come! " phase. I was more into the "I've had it...I'm done....what's the point?" phase. Can anyone relate? I have struggled my whole life with the right way to do things. I look back at some of the things that I've done and I think, "That was way beyond stupid!" I struggle with the what would Jesus do thing, when the what would Vee Ann do thing seems so much more pleasing at the moment. I just don't seem to get it right.
I know I'm probably not the only one that feels this way. Struggles, disappointments, anxieties, and guilt sometimes get so big I feel like I'm an ant in a room full of giants. Each time a giant takes a step, he comes closer to crushing me . And as I run between the toes, I feel like I'm one moment away from disaster. Depression? Maybe. Anxiety? Possibly. Normal? I think so.
I SO want to get it right.... do it right.... be right. I look back at the last 62 years, and I'm amazed the Savior would die to cover all of that. What a disaster! Like I could earn any of it. If I was perfect every moment of the rest of my life it couldn't cover a tiny portion of it. And deserve His love? Not even close.
That's why Grace is so important. No matter how we try to get it right-- no matter how we struggle-- no matter how strong our "want to" is, it's not enough. Nothing is enough. When held to the standard of perfection. only one thing is enough. Enough for me, for you, for Billy Graham, for the kid on the street, for anyone. The magical thing is that it's there for anyone. No matter how far we go. No matter how desperate we are. No matter what was done. His sacrifice is enough to cover it all.
Sometimes it's hard for me to wrap my mind around that. Some of the movies that play in my head of days gone by are really awful. Painful to remember. It would be nice to take a big eraser and erase them from my mind. But God has erased those sins from His mind.. and that's really all that matters.
We tell our kids that there are consequences for actions. The forgiveness is there,but the consequences remain. That's so true. I've been forgiven for all that junk in my past, and present, but the consequences will always be here. I think if I didn't know the only One that matters accepts me anyway, I would probably lose my mind. It's hard to see all that garbage replay in my head, and I know it is replaying in the minds of some I hurt in the process . But at least I know they're not replaying in His mind. They're gone. As far as the east is from the west.
That's the only thing that keeps me wanting to breathe in and out. It's my hope. My security. My grace.
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