Pricklies
"Do not repay evil for evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."
- 1 Peter 3:9
I love how God starts working on something with us. The idea is introduced to us, whether through experience, a sermon, Bible reading, an article we read, or an experience with another person. Invariably, we hear it again, soon, in another way. Depending on how slow we are to understand, we may keep hearing this same message in different ways for quite some time until we "get" it. Oh yeah, God is telling me that.......
This time it was an experience, a sermon, and a conversation. What was so funny was the same word, "Pricklies", was used in 2 of those situations. Now since it is not a common word, I had to believe there was something going on here. And there was.
We all have 'pricklies'. They are friends, siblings, mates, co-workers, authorities....you can name about any relationship. A 'prickly' is a person who is just plain difficult. No way around it, this person has issues. Sometimes a prickly is consistently difficult, other times just occasionally hard to deal with. It seems you could stand on your head, and they wouldn't be satisfied, happy, civil, content. When I think of a prickly person, I think of someone who might look like a porcupine if you could "see" his emotional/spiritual condition. There are needles sticking out all over her body, just waiting to prick the first person who gets close enough. And it's all the time. No sooner is one prick healed over, another one is delivered.....injuring another tender spot.
If our prickly is someone we can avoid, then we gladly do so. A casual friend or acquaintance is easily evaded at the grocery store. A co-worker can sometimes be put off by being involved with much to do. But what if that prickly is a spouse, a brother, a life-long friend? Then what?
The issue of how to deal with people like this can also be tied in with forgiveness. A few years
ago I went through a VERY long process learning how to forgive someone who had deeply hurt me. It was not something I WANTED to do at all. I had every right to be unforgiving. What happened was horribly wrong by any standard. I deserved to be angry. I also knew it not God's will that I carry this unforgiveness and anger for many reasons. So I began the very long and difficult process of asking God to heal me and help me to forgive. He did, and I did, and I am so much happier for it! Then, during a Bible study about this time, the subject came up of having to forgive over and over......the person who continues time and time again to hurt you. And I didn't have an answer for that one. I mean, I knew I could SAY you just have to keep forgiving, but that really wasn't enough to help the person asking the question, or me.
You know, that's really what happens when we are dealing with a 'prickly'. Isn't their difficult behavior something we have to continually work through? Continually 'forgive'? I believe so, and I think this is the hardest thing of all. But it could be one of the most important things we can do.
Last time, we talked about work for the Kingdom. How nothing is insignificant when done for
God. What if......God is asking us to serve Him in dealing with our pricklies? As I have faced this
issue the past week, I have come to the conclusion this is exactly what He is asking of me. There are 3 things God has impressed on me about this service. I'd like to share them with you.
I had my grandchildren last weekend, and on Sunday I took them to their church. I enjoy going there occasionally, because the minister always speaks to me meaningfully. Well, this time was no
exception. He was talking about serving with significance (imagine that!). He even used the word pricklies! Anyway, two of the points he made that day really hit me in the middle of the forehead. The first one was, "Serving others isn't your punishment, it's your purpose." Sometimes, when you face dealing with her every day, it can feel like you're being punished. But God put that prickly person in your life for a reason, not for a punishment. What if your purpose in that relationship is to be an anchor for that person? To demonstrate the peace a relationship with Christ brings? Another point Jeremy made was this.....be sure your arrow is pointing out, not in. When we get down about our interactions with a prickly and feel punished, our arrow is pointing in. We are thinking about ourselves, not the other person. Not even thinking about Christ and His will, or
purpose, in the situation. One thing that has helped me was expressed by Charles Gerber, in his article "The Amazing Power of the Tongue". Gerber reminds us that when we are hurt by the words of someone else, we need to listen to what is NOT being said. Sometimes the words a person does not speak are more important than the ones spoken. What past hurt or current concern is behind those words and attitudes? If we look and try to figure it out, sometimes we can explain things. Somehow, that makes it easier to bear.
In "Forgiving the Unrepentant", by Ruth O'Neal , forgiveness is defined as the 'act of forgiving' or 'the willingness to forgive'. She goes on to point out that the definition doesn't say anything about the person asking for it....the act of forgiveness falls on one person, the one who is offended. She also points out that to forgive is a command in the Bible, not a suggestion. It is also a choice. Forgiveness and love are alike in that regard....they are both choices, not feelings. We can hold a grudge against a prickly, giving them the treatment we feel they deserve, and feel completely justified. But the Word tells us differently.
Finally, we need to remember that as Christ's representative, we are demonstrating Him to others. What an awesome responsibility. Though we constantly fail at this, we need to try to remember we are truly the only Jesus some people will ever see. If we are Christ's representatives and we can't demonstrate forgiveness and a decent attitude, how can we expect the prickly to believe Jesus is loving and forgiving ? How could Christ, who is perfect, forgive them if an imperfect person like a sibling or spouse can't? That is why we are called to serve the pricklies with acceptance and love them first, so maybe they can find that peace we possess later.
This attitude is so hard because we think love and forgiveness are based on feelings. They aren't . I can honestly say that they are actions. We experience romantic love, and think all love, even that one, should always be that way. Reality tells us differently. We only want to forgive when we "feel" like it. But who has been hurt that really "feels" like forgiving, especially when the perpetrator isn't repentant. No, they are both actions. Love is what I do, forgiveness is what I do. And showing pricklies what it's like to be loved by the King is what I need to do too. After all, I used to be a prickly until someone showed me. And I thank God every day she did!
- 1 Peter 3:9
I love how God starts working on something with us. The idea is introduced to us, whether through experience, a sermon, Bible reading, an article we read, or an experience with another person. Invariably, we hear it again, soon, in another way. Depending on how slow we are to understand, we may keep hearing this same message in different ways for quite some time until we "get" it. Oh yeah, God is telling me that.......
This time it was an experience, a sermon, and a conversation. What was so funny was the same word, "Pricklies", was used in 2 of those situations. Now since it is not a common word, I had to believe there was something going on here. And there was.
We all have 'pricklies'. They are friends, siblings, mates, co-workers, authorities....you can name about any relationship. A 'prickly' is a person who is just plain difficult. No way around it, this person has issues. Sometimes a prickly is consistently difficult, other times just occasionally hard to deal with. It seems you could stand on your head, and they wouldn't be satisfied, happy, civil, content. When I think of a prickly person, I think of someone who might look like a porcupine if you could "see" his emotional/spiritual condition. There are needles sticking out all over her body, just waiting to prick the first person who gets close enough. And it's all the time. No sooner is one prick healed over, another one is delivered.....injuring another tender spot.
If our prickly is someone we can avoid, then we gladly do so. A casual friend or acquaintance is easily evaded at the grocery store. A co-worker can sometimes be put off by being involved with much to do. But what if that prickly is a spouse, a brother, a life-long friend? Then what?
The issue of how to deal with people like this can also be tied in with forgiveness. A few years
ago I went through a VERY long process learning how to forgive someone who had deeply hurt me. It was not something I WANTED to do at all. I had every right to be unforgiving. What happened was horribly wrong by any standard. I deserved to be angry. I also knew it not God's will that I carry this unforgiveness and anger for many reasons. So I began the very long and difficult process of asking God to heal me and help me to forgive. He did, and I did, and I am so much happier for it! Then, during a Bible study about this time, the subject came up of having to forgive over and over......the person who continues time and time again to hurt you. And I didn't have an answer for that one. I mean, I knew I could SAY you just have to keep forgiving, but that really wasn't enough to help the person asking the question, or me.
You know, that's really what happens when we are dealing with a 'prickly'. Isn't their difficult behavior something we have to continually work through? Continually 'forgive'? I believe so, and I think this is the hardest thing of all. But it could be one of the most important things we can do.
Last time, we talked about work for the Kingdom. How nothing is insignificant when done for
God. What if......God is asking us to serve Him in dealing with our pricklies? As I have faced this
issue the past week, I have come to the conclusion this is exactly what He is asking of me. There are 3 things God has impressed on me about this service. I'd like to share them with you.
I had my grandchildren last weekend, and on Sunday I took them to their church. I enjoy going there occasionally, because the minister always speaks to me meaningfully. Well, this time was no
exception. He was talking about serving with significance (imagine that!). He even used the word pricklies! Anyway, two of the points he made that day really hit me in the middle of the forehead. The first one was, "Serving others isn't your punishment, it's your purpose." Sometimes, when you face dealing with her every day, it can feel like you're being punished. But God put that prickly person in your life for a reason, not for a punishment. What if your purpose in that relationship is to be an anchor for that person? To demonstrate the peace a relationship with Christ brings? Another point Jeremy made was this.....be sure your arrow is pointing out, not in. When we get down about our interactions with a prickly and feel punished, our arrow is pointing in. We are thinking about ourselves, not the other person. Not even thinking about Christ and His will, or
purpose, in the situation. One thing that has helped me was expressed by Charles Gerber, in his article "The Amazing Power of the Tongue". Gerber reminds us that when we are hurt by the words of someone else, we need to listen to what is NOT being said. Sometimes the words a person does not speak are more important than the ones spoken. What past hurt or current concern is behind those words and attitudes? If we look and try to figure it out, sometimes we can explain things. Somehow, that makes it easier to bear.
In "Forgiving the Unrepentant", by Ruth O'Neal , forgiveness is defined as the 'act of forgiving' or 'the willingness to forgive'. She goes on to point out that the definition doesn't say anything about the person asking for it....the act of forgiveness falls on one person, the one who is offended. She also points out that to forgive is a command in the Bible, not a suggestion. It is also a choice. Forgiveness and love are alike in that regard....they are both choices, not feelings. We can hold a grudge against a prickly, giving them the treatment we feel they deserve, and feel completely justified. But the Word tells us differently.
Finally, we need to remember that as Christ's representative, we are demonstrating Him to others. What an awesome responsibility. Though we constantly fail at this, we need to try to remember we are truly the only Jesus some people will ever see. If we are Christ's representatives and we can't demonstrate forgiveness and a decent attitude, how can we expect the prickly to believe Jesus is loving and forgiving ? How could Christ, who is perfect, forgive them if an imperfect person like a sibling or spouse can't? That is why we are called to serve the pricklies with acceptance and love them first, so maybe they can find that peace we possess later.
This attitude is so hard because we think love and forgiveness are based on feelings. They aren't . I can honestly say that they are actions. We experience romantic love, and think all love, even that one, should always be that way. Reality tells us differently. We only want to forgive when we "feel" like it. But who has been hurt that really "feels" like forgiving, especially when the perpetrator isn't repentant. No, they are both actions. Love is what I do, forgiveness is what I do. And showing pricklies what it's like to be loved by the King is what I need to do too. After all, I used to be a prickly until someone showed me. And I thank God every day she did!
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