Secret Fears

It's always how it works. I finish a study get comfortable ( nice word for cocky) in my instruction in what God wants me to learn, then BAM!!! Test time! It seems as if He is saying, "Ok smarty pants. You think you've got it? Let's see!" Had two 'scary' events this week. Events that a few years ago would have set me scrambling for some type of " stress reliever", inappropriate as it may have been. First, had a potential health crisis with a dear friend. Not ready to be experiencing that.....but because of God's grace and the strength HE provides, I was able to pray through that. Good news, not as serious as it could be. Then last night, we were in Republic, Missouri, when the 70 mile per hour straight winds hit. Not a big deal, unless you are in a camper by a fireworks tent that's filled with items you haven't paid for yet. Scariest situation I've ever been involved in. Can't tell you I wasn't scared, because I certainly was. There was a point in time I was not sure of our safety. But panicked, no. Prayed my way through that one too. And God was merciful....other tents went up but ours stood. I'm amazed at how calm I was. Again, only through Him. Only Him. I became " acquainted" with someone a couple of weeks ago who lived through a major fear. Some friends on Facebook wrote they were going to do a study on Psalms with a coordinator named Gwen Smith. Googled her, and I found her to be a musician, song writer, speaker, and author. As I began to delve more into her story, I found an amazing testimony of a journey through fear. This fear was one I had most of my life. The fear of others " finding out" about the real me. The me that was vile, sinful, profane. The me that drank too much, smoked, talked like a sailor. The me that pretended to the world to be a Christian, but had no idea what the meaning of that word was. Sounds delightful, huh?? Like someone you'd really want to meet, know, hang out with. So I kept that part as hidden as possible. Or so I thought. Gwen Smith was the same way. A professed born- again Christian, her outside persona was picture perfect. She met her husband in college, and they were very involved in ministry at that time. Their secret, however, was that they were involved in a sexual relationship. When Gwen became pregnant, fear rolled in. Rather than face what that pregnancy meant, Gwen and Brad chose to terminate the pregnancy. The abortion became a deep, a dark secret that fear held bound in the closet. After many years, Gwen and Brad knew God was asking them to share their story. And they did. The fear became a way to minister to others. Their courage to speak out has helped many others heal and learn of God's power to redeem. A wonderful testimony. Gwen is leading an Internet study of the Psalms this summer. I love the way she has us study....she asks us to do the four R's. Read, record,reflect, and respond. Each Psalm gives us an opportunity to hear directly from God on a personal basis by studying this way. I read each Psalm, record what it says, reflect what it is telling me, and respond to God about this passage. No one is telling me what to think about the scripture. It becomes a personal encounter with God . Love it! Like me, David led an imperfect life. How much bigger can secrets be than adultery and murder? And yet David was a " man after Gods own heart." He wrote some beautiful poems to God in the Psalms. So far I have read the first 30. There are so many wonderful verses to cling to in these Psalms alone. In Psalms 5:7 he says- "But I, by your great love, can come into your house; in reverence I bow down toward your holy temple" Because He loves us so much we can always come to Him. Wow! No matter what my fears or secrets....because of His love. Psalm 18:6 "In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears" He hears. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but He hears. And Psalm 30:5- "For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" His anger lasts only a moment. He's not like me....holding a grudge long after someone has asked forgiveness. Joy comes in the morning. And that is why I try to walk as closely to Him as I possibly can. I know what that joy is like now. And if all I have to do to receive that joy is give it all to Him and walk in His precepts as closely as I can, then it's a small price to pay. Thanks be to God!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In Case of Emergency

      Well, as I sit here full of drugs for bronchitis, I'm mellow enough to tackle the last part of James 1:19 regarding anger.  Of all the emotions we experience, this one can be the most damaging to us and those around us.  Anger, combined with the tongue James speaks of later, can destroy relationships, lives, jobs, government entities, even countries.  It is a powerful and vicious tool that is almost always used in the wrong hands.       We all remember the example of Jesus becoming angry at the temple.  Since we know Jesus did not sin, this demonstration was more about righting a wrong than an expression of anger.  We sometimes call this righteous anger.  I fear that we use this example as Christians to justify our anger outbursts.       As I write this I am thinking about the last time I was really angry.  I have been doing much better with this due to the hel...
Read more

When Silence Breaks Your Heart

Image
"How long, Lord, must I call for help but you do not listen?  Or cry out to you, 'Violence!' but you do not save?" Habakkuk 1:3 We've all been there. Prayers that bounce off the wall.  No answers when we cry out day after day, week after week, month after month.  We question the goodness of a God who seems silent when we, desperate for answers and solutions, beg Him with tears, moans, and sometimes anger.  Why????? Often, when we look back, months and sometimes years later, we see what The Plan was.  Sometimes we don't. But when we are actually going through the experience of petitioning our God for our needs and we feel unheard and unloved, it's not easy. If you are familiar with Lysa Terkeurst, she's faced a number of battles recently when she has cried out to God for answers.  She experienced a marriage crisis and breast cancer within the last two years.  But in her new book, "It's Not Supposed to Be This Way", Ly...
Read more

Who Will Pray?

"When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven."         - Nehemiah 1:4 My friend and I are planning a retreat.  There are a lot of things to do to put a retreat together, and as with any project there are a lot of people 'behind the scenes' that contribute to the project.  I met with one of those people this week, and I think I got my "retreat experience" when having that 15 minute conversation. One of the things that happens before the retreat is a lot of prayer.  We have one prayer warrior we count on for a lot of this.  I met with her to give her the names to pray for, people who have registered for the retreat so far.  This lady is 86 years old.  She has not had an easy life.  She has a child to cancer, has watched other children suffer with it, and faced many other difficulties and trials along the way.  Her body does no...
Read more