A Reason for Joy
Some of you may want to stop reading right here. Really. Especially those of you who have had pretty 'even keel' lives. A few ups and downs along the way, but basically pretty sane. You'll know why in just a bit if you are still with me.
I do some of my best time with God when I'm driving. I'm always listening to Christian music or teaching, and that's part of my story today. Later though. Anyway, it was during my drive to go to church with my daughter and her family that God gave me the subject for this post. I'm different in many ways, but one way is what happens when I get excited. Most people say their hearts "skip a beat". Not me. Mine tries to beat out of my chest. Very rapidly. Scary rapidly. My cries of "but that's too personal, I don't want to tell that story to the world" were met with silence. I know what that means. Kind of like when your mom was looking at you in silence after you had done or said something totally wrong. So, I drove on figuring that really was what I was going to have to do, but REALLY not wanting to. At all. I even started thinking that maybe I had misunderstood the message I received, and maybe I could put off writing this until I had 'clarification'. Yeah, right.
I get to Lori's house and we drive to church. Her church has a new pastor and I had not heard him, so I was anxious to be in the service. Well, guess what. The message he gave was VERY close to what God had laid on my heart. Coincidence, right? Yeah, I know. I don't believe in coincidence either. What I do believe is that it was God, in his graciousness, pounding me on the head with verification that yes, He meant exactly what He said the first time. And I'm not about to step into that area of disobedience again if I can help it.
So, here goes. I'll start off with telling you that I dread this season for a number of reasons. One of them is I don't like Christmas music very much. Actually, I don't like it at all. Not constantly anyway. You could call me the Grinch if you wanted to, but the fact is I'm that way about all secular music. Hits from when I was a teen, country music, anything really. It all makes me sad. I get depressed when I listen to any of it. Sound crazy? Well maybe it is. For someone who is is deeply affected by the message in music that seems strange. I'll try to explain.
I grew up in an alchoholic home. My parents loved me, and somewhere inside I knew that, but no alcholic home is stable. It just isn't. One of the main things you can count on is that you can't count on anything. A planned event depended on sobriety. On Christmas my dad was always drunk, and you couldn't tell what was going to happen. Couldn't count on anything. I often felt let down. Disappointed. Deserted.
Being raised in that environment helped shape who I was. That, along with my rather confrontational temperment led me to a life of difficult relationships. Chaos was normal to me, so if I didn't have it in my life I created it or sought it out. Chaotic environments do not lead to great experiences. So I have a history of a lot of dysfunctional relationships. Some can be repaired, many can't. And I'm left with a feeling of being deserted. Alone. Guilty and depressed. People just always fall short of expectations. And music reminds me of all of that.
Then...I met The One whose love never fails. There are so many verses in the Bible that tell us of His unfailing love. A couple of my favorites are:
Psalms 118:1 "Give thanks to The Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever."
Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life,neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
So no matter what...His love never fails,it never gives up, it never runs out on me. One thing remains.
There are no bad memories with Christ. He's never hurt me, never failed me, never stopped loving me. He never will. No matter what. Not even with my bad behavior. He's the One Thing I can always count on. Always.
So that's why I listen to praise music. It always makes me happy, fills me with joy and awe and reverence. I feel safe there. And......I'm working on relearning to like Christmas music. After all, Christmas was the start of this amazing miracle. That's something to be joyous about. Wouldn't you agree?
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